A collection of 'one-liner' signature files
Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.

Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!

The secret of the universe is @*&^^^ NO CARRIER

Did anyone see my lost carrier?

Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!

He who laughs last thinks slowest!

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

"More hay, Trigger?" "No thanks, Roy, I'm stuffed!"

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Error, no keyboard - press F1 to continue.

There's too much blood in my caffeine system.

Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now .

Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.

Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.

Double your drive space - delete Windows!

What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?

Assassins do it from behind.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

"Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.

I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.

Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.

I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?

Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.

I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.

We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

All generalizations are false, including this one.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

C program run. C program crash. C programmer quit.

"Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

Is reading in the bathroom considered Multi-Tasking?

My computer isn't that nervous...it's just a bit ANSI.

My computer's sick. I think my modem is a carrier.

Gotta run, the cat's caught in the printer.

Honey, I Formatted the Kid!

Spelling checkers at maximum! Fire!

Your e-mail has been returned due to insufficient voltage.

Who is General Failure and why is he reading my disk?

Hex dump: Where witches put used curses...

Never violate the Prime Directory! C:\

Multitasking: Screwing up several things at once...

Maniac: An early computer built by nuts...

Stack Error: Lost on a cluttered desk...

Stack Overflow: Too many pancakes...

Life would be much easier if I had the source code.

Capt'n! The spellchecker kinna take this abuse!

C:\BELFRY is where I keep my .BAT files.

ASCII to ASCII, DOS to DOS.

How do I set my laser printer on stun?

"Today's subliminal thought is:"

'Calm down -- it's only ones and zeros.'

'.... now touch these wires to your tongue!'

Computer analyst to programmer: "You start coding. I'll go find out what they want."

According to my calculations the problem doesn't exist.

It said, "Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!

RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!

Computers are only human.

This time it will surely run.

I just found the last bug.

The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.

It's redundant! It's redundant!

Bug? That's not a bug, that's a feature.

The programmer's national anthem is 'AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH'.

On a clear disk you can seek forever.

I write all my critical routines in assembler, and my comedy routines in FORTRAN. -Anonymous

If debugging is the process of removing bugs, then programming must be the process of putting them in.

"#define QUESTION ((bb) || !(bb)) - Shakespeare."

"Real programmers use: COPY CON PROGRAM.EXE"

Logic: The art of being wrong with confidence...

To iterate is human; to recurse, divine.

If at first you don't succeed, call it version 1.0

Maintenance-free: When it breaks, it can't be fixed...

Microwave: Signal from a friendly micro...

Nostalgia: The good old days multiplied by a bad memory...

God is REAL, unless explicitly declared INTEGER.

Asking if computers can think is like asking if submarines can swim.

From C:\*.* to shining C:\*.*

AAAAAA - American Association Against Acronym Abuse Anonymous

CCITT - Can't Conceive Intelligent Thoughts Today

This message transmitted on 100% recycled electrons.

Todays assembler command : EXOP Execute Operator

Justify my text? I'm sorry but it has no excuse.

Programming is an art form that fights back.

"Daddy, what does FORMATTING DRIVE C mean?"

All wiyht. Rho sritched mg kegtops awound?

Backups? We doan *NEED* no steenking baX%^~,VbKx NO CARRIER

My mail reader can beat up your mail reader.

Never forget: 2 + 2 = 5 for extremely large values of 2.

Nobody has ever, ever, EVER learned all of WordPerfect.

To define recursion, we must first define recursion.

Good programming is 99% sweat and 1% coffee.

Last modified July 29, 1997
Page created by Dayl Brinkman.
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